marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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