i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
