seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
