Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
