the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
