We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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