What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
