At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
