remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
