we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
