I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
