Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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