giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
