the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize