You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize