he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize