If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
