You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
