Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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