I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
