So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
