just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
