No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
