i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
