I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize