Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize