My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
