there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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