Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
