I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
