right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
