I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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