My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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