how do flat chested girls get laid?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What a dumb baby whore.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
