Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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