Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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