i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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