Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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