she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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