I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
