i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Even my vagina gasped.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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