Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
