I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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