Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
