yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize