Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
