she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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