I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
