i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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