I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
