How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
