I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
