I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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