i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize