im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
