East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
