their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
