o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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