please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
