Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
