we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
