yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
