the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she looked like the before picture.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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