we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize