Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Randomize
