my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
