Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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