I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
