I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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