So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
