im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
