She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
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