Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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