belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Your penis caused this!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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